Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A love and hate relationship.

In High School I never really had something that sparked my interest but could always remember English / reading being a struggle all through my school years. At the young age of 9 I was struggling to read a word forget even reading a sentence. Soon my teachers began to see this problem and I was finally tested. I found out I had Dyslexia. The only people to know were my teachers and Mom. It was something I kept inside that I could never tell a soul because not being able to read properly was looked at as such a negative. Doing this year after year it soon was forgotten and I felt as if I was finally an equal. Not having to take certain tests and being exempt from certain classes was supposed to help, but did it really? While going to school I never understood how I should have taken my pride and put it to the side in order for me to learn how to beat this. I never shared my secret with anyone. It was like it never existed. Having this problem and not talking about it effected my grades and chances to go forward with college after H.S. I hope one day I can share this with other young people that are battling the same thing I'm still battling to this day. I would love to let them know it is ok to talk about. It is ok to try and understand. It is ok to confront that monster that never lets you become an equal.

Today I look at that monster in the face and say "I'm going to learn how to beat you!". Through the years I have designed my mind to scan and read over what I'm writing 10 to 15 times before it is processed in my mind. Pictures in books and magazines have become my friend. Year by year it is getting better and better and one day I know I will see the day that I can finally confront this monster and say "I just happened to read a whole book! never thought that could happen did you!!!" but till that day comes I am thankful for the struggle I'm going through. It has taught me never to sit with any negative that I'm given. Always figure out a way to battle that negative into a positive. No matter what anyone says. I know one day that goal to read that 200 page book will come true....

Moving forward I have found that writing out my thoughts and what its like going through this struggle has helped. From time to time I let my mind go free and write away. Its crazy to see this one thing I hated the most turn into something I can say I love and hope to keep growing with as the years pass. Its a battle but hey what isn't a battle?

One of my favorite quotes I have written:

"Learn from every experience. Stay stuck on one grand

experience and you will never see what else life has to offer."

This next one really opened my eyes when I happened to read what I wrote:

Stay focused and understand battling yourself is the biggest battle in life. I realized this about 7 months ago and it still is an everyday battle.Its hard to push everything else to the side and put full attention on yourself. It some times brings tears but if you don't live through the struggle you will never gain the structure to build for tomorrow.

Thank you for taking the time out of your

busy day to become a part of my world.

-Ivan Orama-

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